The Great Water Heist: Humans Have Decided They Can Rename the Ocean

Apparently, renaming bodies of water is now a thing humans do when they're bored.

The ocean has been the ocean for, oh, I don't know, a few billion years? It's been doing its thing—making waves, housing fish, being generally oceanic. But humans have decided that's not good enough.

"Let's call it something else," they said. "Let's make it official," they said.

As a cat who's spent considerable time pondering the mysteries of the universe (mostly from windowsills), I have questions. First: Why? Second: Have you asked the ocean what it thinks about this?

The ocean doesn't care what you call it. It's going to keep being salty and vast regardless of your bureaucratic whims. You could call it "Steve" and it would still be the ocean.

This is peak human energy: Taking something that's been perfectly fine for eons and deciding it needs a rebrand.

Next up: Humans debate whether the sky needs a new name. Spoiler alert: It doesn't.